Clients Who Contact Divorce Lawyers May Still Be Ambivalent About Divorce

NY, UNITED STATES, October 9, 2026 /EINPresswire.com/ — Study Finds 51% of Couples Had Contact with a Divorce Lawyer before Starting Discernment Counseling—Yet 31% of Those Couples Later Chose Therapy to Try to Save Their Marriage

When a client walks into a divorce attorney’s office, it may be natural to assume that the client has already made a final decision about ending the marriage.

But research suggests that assumption may sometimes be premature.

In a study of 100 consecutive couples who participated in Discernment Counseling, 51% had at least one spouse who had already contacted a divorce lawyer before beginning counseling. Among those couples with prior lawyer contact, 31% chose six months of couples therapy in an effort to save their marriage following the counseling.¹

These findings highlight the value of screening for divorce ambivalence as part of a divorce lawyer’s initial inquiry into a client’s marital situation. For an ambivalent client, seeking legal guidance about the consequences of divorce may coexist with a more fundamental question: “Do I really want my marriage to end?”

Screening New Clients for Divorce Ambivalence
Unrecognized divorce ambivalence can complicate the legal process. An ambivalent client may authorize and then reconsider legal steps; postpone decisions; change settlement positions; or spend substantial portions of meetings trying to determine whether divorce is really what they want.

Signs of such ambivalence may include a client who asks if other clients commonly change their minds about divorce; expresses fear about later regretting their decision; or seeks extensive information about the divorce process while hesitating to take steps forward in their own case.

In his article “When Clients Are Ambivalent About Divorce: A Guide to Discernment Counseling for Lawyers and Mediators,” New York clinical psychologist and former attorney Peter Lobl offers practical suggestions for screening new clients for divorce ambivalence.2

One approach is to ask new clients which of the following four attitudes toward divorce most closely reflects their own:
1. “I’m done with this marriage; it’s too late now even if my spouse were to make major changes.”
2. “I have mixed feelings about the divorce; sometimes I think it’s a good idea and sometimes I’m not sure.”
3. “I would consider reconciling if my spouse got serious about making major changes.”
4. “I don’t want this divorce, and I would work hard to get us back together.”

This typology was developed by University of Minnesota Professor William J. Doherty and colleagues as part of their research on reconciliation interests among divorcing parents.3

The responses can help distinguish a client who has made a final decision to divorce from one who is still unsure about ending their marriage. In the latter case, identifying that uncertainty does not require the attorney to take on the role of counselor or therapist. Rather, it may signal the value of a referral to a service designed specifically to address such uncertainty: Discernment Counseling.

Where Discernment Counseling Fits
Discernment Counseling was developed specifically for married couples considering divorce but still uncertain about the future of their marriage, particularly when one spouse is leaning toward ending the marriage and the other hopes to preserve it.

Unlike traditional couples therapy, Discernment Counseling does not begin with the assumption that both spouses are committed to repairing the relationship. Nor is its purpose to persuade a couple to remain married.

Instead, it is a brief, structured process of no more than five sessions designed to help spouses gain greater clarity and confidence about which of the following three paths to pursue: Path 1, maintaining the status quo for the time being; Path 2, moving toward separation or divorce; or Path 3, committing to six months of couples therapy in a serious effort to save the marriage.

For an ambivalent client, referral to Discernment Counseling provides a setting for addressing that uncertainty directly instead of letting it complicate the case in the legal arena. In sessions, the counselor takes a nonjudgmental and balanced approach to both partners and facilitates a process aimed at helping each gain greater clarity and confidence about what they want to do about their marriage.

If the couple ultimately decides to proceed with divorce, the client can return to the legal process with greater clarity and confidence about that decision, potentially reducing the starts, stops and reversals associated with their prior ambivalence.

About Peter Lobl, JD, PhD
Peter Lobl, JD, PhD, is a licensed psychologist in New York with more than 20 years of experience providing psychotherapy. He specializes in couples therapy and Discernment Counseling and offers sessions virtually and in person. Before becoming a psychologist, Dr. Lobl practiced law as an associate at large law firms. He received his PhD in Clinical Psychology from Teachers College, Columbia University, and previously served as a Supervising Psychologist at Mount Sinai West and as an Assistant Professor at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.
Website: Peterwloblphd.com

1. Doherty, W. J., Harris, S. M., & Wilde, J. L. (2016). “Discernment Counseling for ‘Mixed-Agenda’ Couples.” Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 42(2), 246–255.
2. Lobl, P. (2026, August 19). When clients are ambivalent about divorce: A guide to discernment counseling for lawyers and mediators. Peter Lobl, JD, PhD. When Clients Are Ambivalent About Divorce: A Guide to Discernment Counseling for Lawyers and Mediators
3. Doherty, W. J., Willoughby, B. J., & Peterson, B. (2011). Marital reconciliation interests of divorcing parents: Research and implications for practice. Family Law Forum, 19(3), 48–52.

Peter Lobl, JD, PhD
Peter W. Lobl, JD PhD Clinical Psychologist
+1 917-392-9744
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